First, let’s call out the elephant in the room: You’re a man, reading through a website that’s written by a woman, titled for women, and designed to help other women. In other words, the very fact that you’re here at all calls for an expression of appreciation and respect from me.
Maybe you’re here in support of a loved one, or maybe you’re seeking support for yourself. In either case, welcome. Whatever the reason, I’m glad you’re here.
Where do I fit in?
By latest count, 90 percent of my clients are women. That said, I’m also deeply privileged to work with a few truly good men, the kind who care enough to get themselves holistically healthy—and I’m talking emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, relationally, spiritually AND sexually healthy.
If you’re a male survivor of sexual betrayal and relational trauma, my heart goes out to you. I imagine you can relate to much of the language I use here on my website, even though it’s written and oriented toward women. If you feel comfortable with my substance and style, I would be honored to consult with or coach you through your current crisis; if you’d prefer, I’d also be happy to help you find a male practitioner with similar training.
In very recent years, our field has developed two really good books specifically for male survivors of betrayal. Check out A Man’s Tools for Addressing Trauma by my APSATS colleague Sibylle Georgiana, and The Betrayed Husband’s Survival Guide by Gary Owens.
As you navigate your healing path, I hope you can forgive my admittedly stereotypical use of male and female pronouns, understanding that they accurately reflect the gender configurations I see most commonly within my practice—no more, and no less.
On the other end of the spectrum…
If you’re a man who wants to stop acting out in sexually compulsive and relationally destructive ways, but don’t hold an EQUALLY high degree of concern for helping your closest loved one(s) heal from the impact of your past-or-present actions? In that case, I wish you well, but I’m simply not the right coach for you.
That said, if you’re serious about working to strategize healing for BOTH you own wounds AND the wounds you’ve created for others? In that case, let’s keep talking. We might be able to roll up our sleeves and get some serious work done.
My male clients will tell you I’m tough but tenderhearted, direct yet openminded—and most importantly, that I’ll passionately advocate for you and your loved one(s), through the best of times and the worst of times.
What does that look like?
In most cases, when a man hires me for help, it’s either for individual or couples coaching—and it’s because of my professional skillset, accompanied by a healthy measures of personal and professional experience. Men hire me because you know I’ll fight (fiercely) on behalf of you and your closest relationships, trusting that I’ll never lose sight of BOTH, even while actively focused on one or the other.
Here’s a recent client endorsement by which I felt exceptionally touched and humbled; it’s written verbatim from the viewpoint of a male client who was (and remains) one of those few-yet-irrefutable “good men” in our world at large:
I had caused a great deal of damage in my marriage as a result of my addiction, and I was feeling the impact of what it had done in my relationship with my wife. Though I had guys in my group with good hearts who were willing to share their thoughts on how to repair my marriage, I recognized I needed someone who understood my wife’s perspective to give me some clarity.
I will admit, I was nervous going into my meeting with Gaelyn, but from the first minute, I knew I was in good hands. She was able to reassure me and make me feel at ease. She surprised me by the way she spoke to me with empathy and understanding. At the same time, she was masterful in the way she gave me insights into my wife’s viewpoint about our situation, something I desperately needed.
At no point did I feel judgement or disapproval from Gaelyn. In fact, as our time went on, I got more and more excited as she was able to open my eyes to the ways that my wife was likely feeling as a result of my actions. Her use of metaphors and personal experience gave me insights and understanding that were invaluable. It helped me to develop my sense of empathy and grief over the pain that I had caused my wife, and from that came sincere compassion which was foundational to our healing. After our conversation together, I went back to my men’s group and told them, “Guys, you have GOT to talk to this woman!”
I could not recommend Gaelyn more highly. She was able to give me exactly what I needed at the time when I needed it; a pivotal moment that has helped my marriage improve dramatically since then. I think any man in my position would reap fantastic rewards from his work with Gaelyn. I know I did.
So where does that leave us?
Remember that elephant we called out a few minutes ago? Well, for better and for worse, that elephant’s not gonna disappear anytime soon—because apparently, that’s what happens when you name your coaching practice “Women Ever After.” And while I can’t offer an immediate solution to remedy that misnomered challenge, I CAN once again thank you for giving me a fair listen.
If you like what you’ve read, you know where to find me. I’ll be here hanging out with the herd of (mostly) female pachyderms.
(*) Self-Responsibility Disclaimer: Please understand the nature of professional referrals, including the imperative value of making your own personal choices. By requesting this referral, you acknowledge that you alone are responsible for any actions you take or don’t take as the result of this referral. Neither Gaelyn Rae Emerson, Women Ever After, nor any other affiliated entity shall be held liable for any legal action relating to this referral, provided services or recommended resources.